dinners ready *selena gomez voice* come and get it
“why” “because i said so” good one mom you should be a lawyer
in 7 years its going to be the 20s again so we can bring back swing music and the aesthetics of that era but keep modern values who’s with me
“Hey Zayn does this smell like chloroform to you?”
“Hello yes other attractive male..does this smell like chloroform to you?”
i used to think that a foot of parchment was a lot and feel bad when harry potter characters were assigned to write that much
but then i realized the paper i write on is 8.5 by 11 inches.
so a foot of parchment is the equivalent of like, not even a page and a half of paper.
they complained SO MUCH about essays that were like
a page and a half
get your shit together
so i bumped into this kid i used to go to school with 3 years below me down at the train station today and i somehow managed to make him buy me a watermelon from the grocery store
but then i took it one step further and convinced him that we needed party hats
for both us and the watermelon
i’ve barely even spoken to this kid before in my life and he did exactly what i said without hesitation
“FUCK KANYE WEST” the white girl says as she blasts her iPod full of Taylor Swift songs, still engulfed with rage 3 years later
“FUCK KANYE WEST” says the rational person who can recognize an egomaniac with no talent when they see one.
what was that?
i lost my number, can you give me yours
no no no not your phone number your credit card number